|written by Alex on Jan 01, 2010 00:19|
January 1st, 2010: End of Winter
I drown in hesitation,Here I am, celebrating new year in an almost empty room, with this monumental machine on the desk, pointlessly commemorating perfection. Yesterday evening, on a shelf, there was a piece of the past, an object that in some way managed to escape the destruction of what came before 2003. It projected a long shadow against the wall. I've perhaps never felt so empty. It's been a long story and it needs going on no longer. It's just a new year. No, it's the true new year. The number doesn't count, the length of the years past doesn't count. There was nothing to do, until today. The path was written, there could be no fast forward button. I will be playful, I will be doing things randomly, I will be true, there will be dawn. Here I am with a cold, but yesterday at sunset I had the impression of somehow breathing mountain air, I felt light, I felt free. Outside there were dense clouds and a grey landscape, inside there was a star, a whole full star, an immense amount of energy, shining bright and warm, silently crackling in the void, awaiting to bring colors to the world. Winter has ended, the engine started, the looping wheel of torture stopped turning with a long creak, shortly bounced back to its final neutral point, and stood still, got instantly covered in dust and it's now rusting against the sky of dawn, finally out of order and out of my own time and space. Don't mind that anymore. Don't mind this celebration, there's no need for it to be written, really. But there's so much nothing here, and empty room in my hard drives, and that's overwhelming. It needs to be filled with fun, where are all my toys again? I want them back.
my words come crashing down
and all my best creations
burn into the ground,
the thought of starting over
leaves me paralyzed.