. /../Slash n Stash/ 123456..9
written by Kristos on Oct 09, 2012 16:55
This is just a silly idea I had, set in a strange place that is somewhat inspired by Dungeons of Dredmor. There are cool treasures but also terrible monsters. You post your action (move to another room, loot a chest, attack a monster, something random, etc.) and I post what actually happens. No stats, no formal structure, no inventory limits, just mandatory FUN.


Make up your own character name. Everybody starts in the lobby:

You are in a small room with a black-and-white checkered tile floor. To the north a refrigerator, a vending machine, a stove top, and a counter with many drawers and a coffee machine line the wall. To the east an ominous steel door glares down, sporting a message written on a white paper with green stains:
Do  ot use u der a y
circumsta ce.
Tha ks,
The south and west walls have their own doors, thick and wooden. Something can be heard scratching on the other side of the west door.

There is a large rusted machine sitting in the southwest corner. Near a lever with a bright red knob a freshly painted sign reads, "Take one, please."
└> last changed by Kristos on October 14, 2012 at 19:57
i haz title: speed-g-dof
written by Speeder on Oct 09, 2012 17:20
something random
yummy jam!
written by Jam on Oct 09, 2012 17:38
I immediately run to the refrigerator and start taking everything inside, while screaming:


I suddenly stare at one of the men next to me, with a confused look on my face.

"Wait, who are you? What are you doing in the kitchen? ARE YOU A SPY?!!"

After a bit more staring, my eyes suddenly widen, as if I'm just realizing where I am for the first time.

"Wait, where am I? What happened to my kitchen? Where's the pasta I was holding? Where's my crew? WHERE'S MY HAT?!"
written by Kristos on Oct 09, 2012 23:42
One of the mortals does something random. In fact, he does something so random that he nearly proved himself to be, in fact, mortal.

But how could you be interested in mere death when another mortal is making such a ruckus, running to the refrigerator and removing all the contents. He pockets a bottle of BBQ sauce, some pickled spiderberry jam, a watermelon, a sealed pack of ground meat (the label says "possibly orc"), a HappyFace Fridge RefreshenerTM, and the removable grating. Thinking he is in some other kitchen he stares to the mortal beside him, quite excitedly asking if he is a spy. When he then realizes he is not in that kitchen any longer, he questions where he actually is, seeming quite upset.

The 'spy', a mortal by the name of "Heron", grabs him by the shirt and cries out, tears streaming down his face: "PLEASE! Where is my farm?! Where is my family?! Uncle Piggy, Auntie Emu, Grandpa Frog, Little Brother Grasshopper! My family needs me!"

It seems the mortals are coming out of their shock in a rather restless state. The scratching noise has stopped, though.

A bottle of pills sits on the counter. The large white label (with green stains) has nothing but the message "EAT ONE" printed on it.
yummy jam!
written by Jam on Oct 10, 2012 00:25
"Your family? What about my customers?! What about my chefs? What about my sacred mission?

But you said your a... 'farmer'? As in, the ancient art of raw materials production, before the Great Flavor Revolution? Does that mean you've had training in Consumable Raw Materials Production - Pre-A class?! Wow, to think I'd meet someone trained in such a rare art in a place like this! What's your skill level? Stats? Ranking?"

I get a excited expression as I interrogate Heron, asking him for data and statistics he probably has never even heard of, let alone knows.
written by Cryoburner on Oct 10, 2012 00:44
I, Cryosephius the Great Excised King of the Fallen Vermilion Empire of Antionemene, take a bold stance.

"Bring me my cloak and scepter!"
i haz title: speed-g-dof
written by Speeder on Oct 10, 2012 01:08
I eat pill
written by Kristos on Oct 10, 2012 19:45
Jam freaks out some more before becoming awed by Heron's possible awesomeness. Heron, tears still streaming down, screams: "You EAT animals!? You... you animal! They're my family! I'll show you my statistics!" Heron launches a punch, just to be caught and thrown on the ground by another mortal, a very large, very dark looking character with bulging muscles. The terrifying figure speaks: "Sorry. I... I just don't like fighting. My name is Ian. I don't know where I'm from or how I got here. But I think we should all work together." Funny words to come from somebody with murderous looking eyes.

Another mortal has come to! The self-proclaimed "Cryosephius the Great Excised King" takes a bold stance, demanding for his cloak and scepter. Ian points to the device with the lever. "If there is a cloak or scepter in here it's probably in that machine. That's where I got this." He holds up a stainless steel pole that has translucent blue spherical weights on both ends. The label says:
BAT BATON - Originally designed to fend off hordes of attacking
vampire bats... but the flamethrower worked better.
Speeder notices the pill bottle and promptly follows the instructions. *swallow* ...and... his throat starts feeling dry as he becomes cold and clammy. Beads of sweat make their journey out and down his flesh. Then a warm, no, a hot, no, an infernal sensation blazes through his insides as his face turns quite red! He is overcome with the need for something very cold to drink.
i haz title: speed-g-dof
written by Speeder on Oct 10, 2012 19:53
> drink something very cold.
written by Cryoburner on Oct 10, 2012 20:01
"Cryosephius the Great Excised King of the Fallen Vermilion Empire of Antionemene does not wish to pull the lever. You shall pull it for me!"
standing on my title
written by Gligar on Oct 10, 2012 20:11
A creature (possibly human?) by the name of Illarkul looks around for some sort of weapon. He doesn't want to see anything with exceedingly long names, and that definitely includes supposed kings.

Perhaps there is a weapon in that machine over there, the one in the lever? If nothing else, maybe he could remove the lever.
yummy jam!
written by Jam on Oct 10, 2012 22:06
"Why would you think I eat your family? That's disgusting... And of course I don't eat animals! For one, I'd have to find an some animals first, which everyone knows haven't existed for thousands of years..."

I suddenly get a chilled feeling, as if my Chef's intuition was telling me something very un-tasty was just consumed nearby... I look around in a panic until I notice one of the people in the room seems to be looking desperately for something to drink.

"Quick, take this! I haven't evaluated its stats yet, but it's the only liquid all I've got!"

I shove the bottle of BBQ Sauce into Speeder(?)'s hands, and watch him to make sure he drinks it.

"You should be more careful! I've seen men die because they were desperate and ate a bad tasting thing at the wrong time."
written by Kristos on Oct 10, 2012 22:08
Speeder frantically rushes to find something cold to drink. The vending machine requires some sort of currency, of which Speeder has none. The coffee, however, is free but it apparently is not offered at temperatures lower than 101C... but didn't he see somebody take a watermelon from the fridge earlier? Ah, yes, Jam. But Jam isn't thinking of watermelon. He gives Speeder the BBQ sauce, insisting that he drink it immediately. After that, Jam offers some sage chef advice.

The apparently undauntable Cryosephius commands Ian to pull the lever. Without a word, Ian walks over and pulls the lever. The machine dispenses a cloak and a rubber duckie:
MAGIC PINK CLOAK - Due to a missing DLL,
this cloak turns things #FF00FF instead
of transparent.

DUCKY OF EA:RENDIL - May it be a light to
you in dark places, when the electricity
goes out.
Ian hands the goods over to Cryosephius.

It seems another mortal is interested in the machine in the corner. Illarkul glances around the room, eyes instinctivley avoiding the "king". Not spotting any unclaimed weapons he also approaches the device and pulls the shiny red knob. Aha! A large dinner fork? A small trident? The label says:
DOOMSONG - A failed experiment to combine
two tuning forks into one. The dissonance
is said to make non-Newtonian fluids come
to life.
└> last changed by Kristos on October 14, 2012 at 19:59
yummy jam!
written by Jam on Oct 10, 2012 22:25
I suddenly notice there seem to be a device with a lever, that's seems to be dispensing some very strange items...

"What is this, some kind of crazy item lottery? Well, I guess it's a good thing I took that Improvisation 101 course back in Flavor school... I knew that'd come in handy some day..."

I walk up to the machine and pull the lever.
written by Cryoburner on Oct 11, 2012 01:43
"This is not my cloak! Cryosephius the Great Excised King of the Fallen Vermilion Empire of Antionemene has a vermilion cloak! Also a green one. And several grey ones. And some with patterns in many different colors... I do not believe I own a cloak of this color, though. However, I shall accept your offering as a gift."

I take the cloak and put in on. I accept the duckie as well, staring at it for a moment.

"This small rubbery waterfowl does not appear to be my scepter, either. However, I shall have to make do and locate my scepter on my own, as the ineffective ruffians about this place appear incapable of finding it themselves."
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